Saturday, July 16, 2011

Shout out to Kaylee

Due to our constant moving across the country ever since we got married and me being from Europe and having all of my family back there, we don't have a lot of the same people around us most of the time since we change wards every few months and Ryan's family is living in Texas which is closer than mine, but still far enough that we don't get to see them as often as we would like. But where am I going with this you ask?
It has been me and Kaylee most of the time, since she was born. Of course Ryan spend as much time as he could with her, but poor guy was beyond busy (and still is) working his tail off every single summer and when he wasn't doing that, he was a full time student staying up late working on his homework, writing papers and studying for thest. So you see, me and Kaylee were together all the time, every single day, 24/7 since day one. I can probably count on one hand how many times she was babysat and that was usually for an hour or so.It got to the point where we had to practice sometimes me leaving for a few minutes and Ryan staying home with her so she is without me for a little bit and gets used to it. She would scream every single time like she was on fire.... She wasn't really into playing with other kids when she was younger so even when we did arrange a play date with some friends, she just wanted to play with me and nobody else. When we went to the park, she wanted me next to her the whole time, because I was her buddy you know? So you can understand that I was a little worried about her getting use to having to share me with her little sister. I was worried about those two days I had to stay at the hospital, because when she wakes up in the morning I'm the one she wants. She walks up to my side of the bed, throws her blankets at me and says "mom, come on!" And I get up, follow her to the living room and turn one of her shows on. Every morning. And when I happen to be exhausted one of those mornings and ask Ryan to go with her, she won't go. He tries to help me, but she prefers her mom. So when I imagined the morning of me being in the hospital when she wakes up I kind of freaked. I knew she would be ok, but it's just that motherly feeling you have when you know that your baby wants you and you are not there. And she doesn't know why. She is confused and doesn't understand what's happening. You probably think I'm crazy for making such a big deal out of this, but it's ok. I love my kids and that makes me a little crazy I guess.
So, the big day arrives, I get up very early in the morning and get ready to leave for the hospital. I kiss Ryan good bye ( I didn't want him to go to the hospital with me at 4:45 in the morning, because I wanted him to be there with Kaylee when she gets up, so they can eat breakfast together and come after that). I kissed Kaylee good bye, told her I loved her and that I was sorry I wasn't going to be there when she wakes up. I left, had a baby and when Ryan walked into the room with Kaylee, I swear she looked so much different. She seemed so grown up to me all of a sudden. It's like she knew. She knew that she couldn't jump on my bed because I was in pain. She knew she had to be gentle with this little baby mommy was holding and kiss her softly. She gave me my space after the delivery. She was fine leaving with dad to go get lunch and was ok with me not going with them. She kissed me good bye, told me she loved me and left. Just like that. I was so proud of my little girl. And so relieved that this whole thing wasn't hard on her. Ryan got me some flowers, cupcakes and a balloon at the store and Kaylee LOVES all three of those, but for some reason she didn't want to keep them to herself. She ran into the room with the bouquet of roses and the balloon and handed them to me with a big smile on her face and kissed me afterwards. I was amazed. She had no problem leaving to go home at night either. I was standing outside my room watching Ryan and Kaylee walk down the hallway to the elevator and she kept turning around yelling "bye mommy", waving and blowing me kisses. I might have shed a tear or two that moment. I was so happy that she was happy, that she was ok with all this craziness that was going on. Us moving couple of weeks prior to adding a new member into our family, then us moving again and me spending so much time with this new little baby and not having so much time to play with Kaylee anymore..... it must have been a lot for her and she handled it perfectly. I feel like she didn't even go through the "getting used to this" period. She just went with the flow from day one. I'm so so so proud of her for being so understanding, patient and loving. She is such a sweet little girl. She asks me if Khloe is ok when she hears her cry, and she tries to make her feel better by holding her hand, kissing her forehead and giving her her paci. When I tell her that we are going somewhere, she goes and puts her shoes on. Then I remember to check the diaper bag to make sure I have everything and put the missing items in, by the time I'm ready to walk out the door Khloe needs a diaper change or an outfit change because she spit up all over herself and then I remember that I haven't seen Kaylee in the last few minutes. The sweet girl has been patiently sitting in the stroller all ready to go since the minute I told her we were going somewhere. I can't even explain how in love with her I am. She really is the sweetest two year old there is. I hear a lot about "terrible twos" and I swear that I have no idea what people are talking about, because my little girl turned into an angel. She has her moments of course, but she is as sweet as can be most of the time. I try really hard to make it all up to her and spend some good quality one on one time with her when Khloe naps, because I just feel so guilty sometimes for telling her to wait when she wants something. I try to include her in everything I do with
Khloe, like giving her baths, changing diapers.....and she is the best helper out there hands down.
Kaylee, you are such a sweet little girl and you make me so proud of you. You are so patient, loving, selfless, understanding and giving and I hope that I can be more like you one day. I'm so lucky to be your mom and Khloe is one lucky girl to have you as her big sister. I love you so so so so much baby girl my heart could burst, and I hope that you will always know and remember that. You are my sunshine.

Love, mom

Friday, July 15, 2011

Loving baby Khloe

It's been a while since I posted something on here, it's obviously not because I have nothing to blog about, but because someone in this household broke the computer.....again so I'm now using our friends laptop and that's why there are no pictures in this post but I do take like a 100 every day so there is going to be an overload soon :o).
We are now in Mobile, Alabama and we love it here so far. It's way better than Jackson, MS although that place will always be dear to my heart, since we welcomed our little Khloe into our family there. I have been feeling so many different emotions lately and wanted to document them here for the girls to read one day.
I never really took the time to express how I feel about being a mom for the second time. Oh how I love ever minute of it.
There is just something about newborn babies that makes the world stop.They are so innocent, pure, perfect....they just came here from Heaven and the do look and feel like little angels.
I still remember the feeling of indescribable happiness and love I felt when I first laid my eyes on my little Khloe. I was holding her on my chest and it was just us two ( Ryan missed her being born because she came so fast), looking at each other, feeling peace, comfort, happiness and unconditional love. She looked deep into my eyes and I felt like I have known her forever. And although we missed having daddy there with us, those few minutes we got to be alone together made up for him not being there. It was just so special to finally hold my precious baby after those long 9 months of having her in my belly and feeling her move, kick and hick up, seeing her on ultrasound and imagining what she will look like. And here I am now, 6 weeks later, thinking to myself that I thought I loved her then. And of course I did, but that love has grown so much more since then.... I have tears in the corners of my eyes almost every time I get to hold her and look at her for a few minute and realize what a miracle it is to create this perfect little person, and how lucky and blessed me and Ryan are that we are trusted once again with another little perfect girl. I cherish those moments, when it's just me and Khloe again, especially in the middle of the night, when it's quite and calm and the world stops for a few minutes as I get to hold her, look at her perfect little lips and nose, I kiss her perfect little cheeks and hold her perfect little hand, look into her eyes and tell her that she will probably never know how much I love her. I tell her how beautiful and perfect she is, how thankful I am that she chose to come here and how happy I am to have her, her big sister Kaylee and her dad in my life. And then, she looks deep into my eyes again like she did 6 weeks ago, and tells me through that look "I know mom. I'm happy that I am here too, and I love you too".
Khloe, you really are a special, perfect, sweet little girl. You are so content and patient. You are so loved by your mom, dad, sister, grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncles, and you bring so much joy and happiness into our lives. I hope that you will always know and remember that. I love you and your sister to the moon and back. Times million. I can't wait to see you two girls play and laugh together and become best friends. You two make me and your dad happier than we could ever imagine being. And now I'm going to kiss you both good night and look forward to tomorrow to kiss you two a million times more!

Love, mom